Do you ever struggle with saying no to your children? Man, I do! What is one of the most powerful forces in the universe? A toddler with a request and big doe eyes to go with it! “One more piece of candy?” “One more sip of water before bedtime?” “Soda, please?” It can be a struggle to grapple with the answer and the consequence it may ensue, whether you have a toddler or a fifteen-year-old. Sometimes these two letters can be the hardest in the universe to mouth. N.O.
I have exercised my no muscle quite firmly over the past decade, but my kids still catch me. The other Friday, my oldest asked me if he could go home with a school friend for a few hours. They had this planned out, buddy! My clever son motioned me to park instead of getting in the car line. I complied and the friend’s mom pulled up beside me and they waylaid me with their plans. The mom and I exchanged numbers and away he went. Wait a minute! What just happened here?
Over the years, I have had to learn to balance yes and no like I never thought I would have to in my life! To be honest, I say no more than I say yes. With five children and a budget of time and money to keep, I must. As parents, we are pelted with question after question requiring choices we must make to allow something or prohibit it. Some are small and others may be more consequential. When your toddler asks for an extra cookie after they’ve had enough, just kindly say, “No, that’s a good stopping place”. Our no’s are creating healthy boundaries for our kids and training them to be successful later in life. My son used to love Transformers, but those things are expensive! He had saved up a large sum of money and asked if he could buy one, and I told him no. Call me cruel, but I did not want him to waste what he had worked so hard on in a moment on something that would satisfy temporarily.
I have, however, found a brilliant way to deal with all the supermarket queries. Instead of being the No Nazi all the time I reply, “Did you bring your own money”? This filters out most requests, and if they did bring their own, I ask, “Is that something you want to spend your money on?” That eliminates another larger portion of the requests.
These are creative no’s. We all need a few of those in our arsenal, but every now and then don’t be afraid to answer with a direct but gentle “no.” You will be proud of yourself, and your family will respect you for it too.
Tabitha is a former Indianola resident and can be reached at tabitato5@gmail.com.
