“When I was a kid Uncle Remus put me to bed,
With a picture of Stonewall Jackson above my head.
Then Daddy came in to kiss his little man
With gin on his breath and a Bible in his hand.” Bob McDill, American songwriter
We made a quick trip to Orange Beach to see some friends, leaving my large lab in the care of a sweet neighborhood kid who loves dogs.
I had thought about taking him with us, but as we entered the state of Alabama, which has the worst 2-lane roads on the planet, completely backed up with traffic no matter which way we went, I was glad he was not in the car with us. After passing Ellie May’s House for Hounds Pet Motel and Beauty Salon and the Flora-Bama Bar and Tiki-Lounge, I was certain we had done the right thing.
Our friends have a beautiful condominium on Orange Beach and they have beautiful friends. They always take us to great restaurants and cool places to shop for things we don’t want or need. I am in still in the mode of getting rid of things and not acquiring more.
I have not been to the Flora-Bama in years, although we might have gone in there a couple of years ago, but it was for lunch so that does not count.
Way back in the day the Flora-Bama was an all- night bar that served beer from a keg directly into your plastic cup or your mouth, and all sorts of exotic drinks made from 100 percent pure grain alcohol.
A good time was had by all except for those who wound up in fights and then in an Alabama or Florida jail, depending on the arresting officer. It is pretty much the same place now except they have expanded the bar immensely, and have added an outdoor restaurant and dance floor of sorts. There is also quadruple the amount of regulars at the “Redneck Riviera” since I was there.
We went to the Flora-Bama this past weekend but it was not for drinks and the fine fried food. We attended the 11 a.m. service at the Flora-Bama Church. Yes I said church. There were all sorts of people there and they have a children’s service upstairs in the Tiki Lounge. A cute girl handed us a fan and a bottle of water when we arrived. The service is on the concrete dance floor and they have nice chairs to sit on. It does have a roof, but other than that you might
as well be outside.
Lots of people wore shirts that said “My Church is at the Flora-Bama!” They had a loud band that played very hip Christian music and every other chair has a “Honky Tonk Hymnal” with a bible verse printed on the front. “Thou shalt not steal.” Exodus 20:15. We did not know anyone there except for the pastor. We recognized him from a wedding on the beach a couple of years ago. The original pastor for the wedding could not make it so they called the Flora-Bama and borrowed theirs.
They are a versatile bunch at the Flora-Bama I must say. One minute you are a cocktail waitress and a couple of hours later you are handing out programs and fans. Most of the people were pretty normal looking and some looked like they had been there all night and just stayed on for the church service. They did not sell drinks during the service but the pastor did mention that the “Bushwacker” would be half-price until 2 p.m.
We left just before they played the walk-down-the-aisle-song where anyone who is feeling some guilt or shame from the night before can rededicate their life to God right there and right now. From the looks of the crowd it might have been a very long rendition of “Just As I Am.” The heat was about to get me anyway and my Flora-Bama fan was not doing much good. By and large we enjoyed the whole service and listened to a meaningful message by Pastor Stone.
On our way home I thought of what a great bar/church the Flora-Bama is and how they really do reach everyone in one way or another. One building that houses 2 businesses and shares the clientele. About that same time we passed Eddies Automobile Paint Shop and Spray Tan Salon. That one frightened me a bit. There are some businesses that just don’t go together.aAlthough my guess is Ellie May’s House for Hounds Pet Motel and Beauty Salon is doing just fine.
Chef Tim Creehan’s Yellowfin Tuna Salsa
8 ounces yellowfin tuna, diced fine
1 large onion, diced fine
2 cups Italian plum tomatoes, crushed
1/4 cup tomato puree
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
1 jalapeño, seeded and diced
1/2 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
Salt to taste
Blue tortilla chips
Gently mix all of the ingredients except for the chips in a large bowl and season with salt. Cover and chill for at least 1 hour and no longer than 6 hours. Toss periodically. Serve with chips.
