“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” George Bernard Shaw, Irish Author
When I was growing up my parents had two specific catch phrases for what would happen to us if we could not behave.
“You are going straight to French Camp!”
That one lasted well through high school and although we did not know what French Camp was, we were frightened to death of it. Images of half-starved, head-shaved Nazi Camp survivors ran through our minds constantly. Just recently my girlfriend from Atlanta asked me I ever found out what the whole French Camp thing was about and I said “Dang!”
I meant to ask my mother that before she died! Other times my mother would give us that know it all look and say “You are going to wind up in Parchman, just like your cousin Shad Jr.! He was so lazy that Aunt Lillian was tying his shoes until he was in high school!”
She would tell us this regularly when we committed some atrocity like not making up our bed or not tucking in our shirt. Poor Shad Jr. actually did spent some time in the pokey house and last we heard he was a guard now or ran the gift shop at Parchman, something along those lines.
There was another cousin who was very smart, attended a large private school but stayed in his rebellious years for quite some time. His father was very regimented, having played football at VMI, and was very successful in his business life. He was tough on the cousin, maybe a bit too tough and cousin decided to drop out of college and begin his own business.
He purchased a ship, not a boat, but a ship for the purpose of importing emeralds from Columbia. Suddenly we were all receiving emerald rings and necklaces for Christmas.
My grandmother was so proud of him. He would come home frequently to see her and she would always make her fabulous homemade rolls for him every time he made a visit.
My sisters and I thought something was amiss on his business even though we loved the gifts. I mean who gets emeralds from their cousin?
A few years went by and my grandmother would comment every so often that she had not heard from cousin in quite some time. Every time she called my uncle to speak with cousin he was always in the shower or had just stepped out. When any of us called we got the same response.
It was time to go in to detective mode and it seems it is really not very hard to find someone if you know who to call.
My brother-in-law is an attorney in Jackson and somehow he knew just who to call.
Come to find out cousin had a new name, #35461, and also a new address, the Federal Correction Institution in Jesup, Georgia. Seems cousin had actually been importing the green stuff to Miami but it was not the green emeralds as he had said.
It was the “other” green stuff. “Rats!” we all said. “So much for the jewelry train we were riding!”
None of us were sure how to handle this, we knew we had to keep my grandmother in the dark, it would serve no purpose other than to make her worry herself to pieces, besides breaking her heart.
Apparently the cousin was shipping a great deal of green and knew many of the big players in Columbia. He cut some sort of deal, turning in the names of those involved and after his stint in the big house he would only have to look over his shoulder about 20 times a day for the rest of his life.
We decided to write him, all of us at the same time, and I would have given anything to see his face when out of the blue he received five letters from his only cousins.
The jig was up and he knew it. He actually loved hearing from us, after all we were very close when we were young spending many happy days in the summer at Lake Bruin.
He was set free after a couple of years and somehow through those years he returned a very right-winged Republican completely covered in tattoos.
We had great fun hearing about his life in the big house, although he left out many details that just weren’t fitting for our ears. He is also raising 3 boys successfully and has a happy life in Tennessee. Somewhere in Tennessee.
I suppose we all have a few skeletons in the family closet and I am so thankful I have never spent time in the clink,
I do not care for tattoos one bit.
Nanny’s Homemade Rolls
1 cup milk
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 shortening
2 packages active dry yeast
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 stick butter, melted
Heat the mill, sugar, and shortening in a saucepan over medium heat just until the mixture begins to simmer. Pour in a large bowl, stir the shortening to melt, and set aside to cool to 110 degrees. Add the yeast and 1 cup of the flour to the milk mixture. Stir until no lumps remain and the mixture looks like pancake batter. Cover with plastic wrap and let stand in a warm place for 2 hours.
Remove the plastic and add the salt, baking powder, baking soda, and 1/2 cup of the remaining flour. Stir well and add the remaining flour. Stir well.
Tip the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for a couple of minutes to form a smooth, elastic dough. Oil a large bowl lightly, add the dough, and turn to coat with oil. Cover and refrigerate overnight or at least 12 hours.
Roll the dough out on a lightly floured surface to 1/4 inch thick. Cut out 2-inch rounds of dough with a sharp biscuit cutter. Dip each round in the melted butter to coat and then fold in half. Place 2 inches apart on a baking sheet. Loosely cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 2 1/2 hours, or until almost doubled in size. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
Uncover the rolls and bake for 8-10 minutes or until golden. Makes 30 rolls.
