This is Part 4 in a planned series, Making Marriage Work.
As Valentine's Day approaches, many people may share love songs, cards, balloons and flowers with family and friends to express their love.
The song Love Will Keep Us Together was written, recorded and performed in the 1970s. Many couples agree that love keeps them together for decades.
This week two couples share their experience in decades-long marriages.
Floyd and Hattie Perkins: The Greatest Gift Is Love
Floyd and Hattie Perkins of Sunflower have been married for 62 years; their love for each other is still strong and enduring. The couple married at the age of 16. Hattie exclaimed, "I would never advise anyone to marry at 16; it's too young!"
There are only three things this 78-year-old couple practice that keeps them together – prayer, love and trust.
Hattie says she has always relied on God's strength through prayer and love as she’s encountered her marriage's good and bad days. "I pray for my marriage, and I pray for my husband," shared Hattie while smiling and nodding.
She learned that being a mother and wife was not easy. The newlyweds lived with Floyd's parents until they could financially get their own place, often moving from place to place. Floyd worked in cotton fields, at a cotton gin, tearing down buildings, and bean farming.
Hattie recalls her husband as being a good provider. He desired her to stay at home and care for their children early on. Once the children were around three years old, she was allowed to work at the fish plant and Allen Canning Company, where she worked for 15 years.
Next to prayer, Hattie says she really loves and trusts her husband.
"Love and trust each other. Marriage is built on love and trust. If trust is broken, ask the Lord to help you regain it," Hattie shared. "God may not come when you ask Him – keep asking – He will return it."
Hattie stated several times that she loves her husband and knows he loves her. She described her husband as good and kind, and always doing what he could for their family. “I have a good marriage; I am not going anywhere, and he's not – unless the Lord takes one of us," affirmed Hattie and Floyd.
Robert and Dynetha Love: The Loves
Robert and Dynetha Love, overseer and pastor of Moorhead’s Chosen Generation Ministries Church, have been married for 20 years. Their marriage is known as The Loves.
The couple first met as juniors at Gentry High School. For Overseer Robert, it was love at first sight. On the other hand, for his wife, it was love after a 6-month pursuit of her affections. From there, they both attended Alcorn State University, where she pursued accounting and he pursued mass communications. A few years after college, in June of 2003, they were married.
"We joined forces to get our first apartment. We joined forces to start a church. We joined forces to buy a home. Then we joined forces to start a family," shared Overseer Robert. "Our marriage works because it represents the union of God and man against the world's devices. The Bible says if God is for us, who can be against us?"
The Loves offered a few tips that have helped in their marriage over the past two decades.
"In a marriage, you must be for (rooting for a positive outcome for) each other in everything! The marriage vows say to be there for one another in good times and in bad, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and health, until death separates us," emphasized Overseer Love.
"When you are in it for a lifetime, if the husband is devoted to the well-being and happiness of the wife, and if the wife is devoted to the well-being and happiness of the husband, how can the marriage not work? Marriage can withstand the test of time. Together we stand, and divided we fall," stated Overseer Robert.
Making marriage work is about becoming one union despite beginning life as two separate individuals. The couple agreed, "It is about pursuing the purpose of becoming one. One united front against anything or anyone that tries to make the one into two again. Becoming one is not always easy. Anything worth keeping is worth fighting for. Too often, spouses give up on one another and allow people and things to come into the midst of the marriage. To make a marriage work, you must be committed and dedicated to keeping your marriage vows and not allow anything to cause you to break those vows. Marriage is an institution created by God, and we honor Him when we honor the covenant with our spouses," affirmed Overseer Robert and Pastor Dynetha.
"To make a marriage work, you must learn the art of compromise," shared Pastor Dynetha. "When we practice the art of compromise, everybody wins! You must know when to give in and how to bow out gracefully when things do not go your way."
And “Be mindful of your spouse's feelings when you have a disagreement and always treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve," declared Pastor Dynetha.
The Loves believe that a marriage that works builds from one stage to the next. "It is one person sacrificing to solidify the dreams and goals of the other, and the other using their success to propel the one who sacrificed forward," detailed Overseer Robert. "It is about combining resources in a joint effort to build a better life best suited for both parties involved."
The lines of communication should remain open in a marriage. "You must clearly articulate your thoughts and feelings to your spouse and practice active listening. Always remember that a soft answer turns away wrath. Learn how to communicate properly in a marriage; this minimizes crisis," shared Pastor Dynetha.
"You do not just get married; you become a marriage," declared Overseer Robert. "You must consistently work on yourself and your marriage because each individual in a marriage is changing and growing. Even after being married for 20 years, we still learn new things about one another."
Time is everything. "We love spending quality time with one another. There is nothing in this world that compares to having the love and support of your spouse. Marriage is a beautiful entity, and we are blessed to have experienced it for over 20 years," said Pastor Dynetha.
The couple welcomes the community to join them at 11 a.m. every Sunday for worship service, at 6:30 p.m. Tuesdays for Jesus 101 Bible study, and 6:30 p.m. Thursdays for prayer. Chosen Generation Ministries Church is located at 911 West Delta Avenue, Moorhead.
The Enterprise-Tocsin thanks its readers for following and sharing the series Making Marriage Work.
