YOU ASKED: I need help. I am trying to leave a really bad situation with kids who will be leaving with me. Financial abuse has played a huge role in this. What did you do to save money on the hush hush to be able to gain your footing to leave? Literally, the only thing I have to my name is a car. I have no family and no friends. I’ve lost everything and everyone in this relationship. I cannot do it anymore.
WE ANSWERED:
Dear Brave Survivor,
First, let me say this: I believe in you. You are not alone. And you are doing one of the most courageous things a person can do by reaching out for help while planning a way to reclaim your freedom and protect your children. Please know that your life, your safety, and your peace are worth fighting for, and you are already showing tremendous strength.
Financial abuse is real, and it’s one of the most powerful tools abusers use to trap someone. But even with nothing in your name but a car, you can start building your way out. Below are practical, safe, and proven steps many survivors have taken:
1. Create a Quiet Exit Plan
Since you mention this needs to be on the "hush hush," everything must be done with safety in mind. Use safe devices: If possible, use a library or friend’s phone/computer to search or communicate. If you must use a shared device, always clear browser history or use “incognito” mode. Pack a go-bag: Slowly gather necessities (ID, birth certificates, medication, a change of clothes, copies of car keys, etc.) and hide them where the abuser won’t look like your car, a trusted neighbor’s home, or even at your workplace.
2. Quiet Ways to Save and Earn: Start small. It may not feel like enough, but every dollar is a seed. If you shop alone and use debit cards, discreetly get $5–$10 extra at checkout each time and stash it. Offer to babysit, clean, or do yard work for cash. Consider an online bank account that doesn’t send mail. You can open it with just your name and use it to stash away money digitally.
3. Tap Into the Lifelines You Do Have: Even if you feel completely isolated, there are people and organizations who care and who will help. Contact the National DV Hotline (800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788): They can connect you to local shelters, legal advocates, emergency housing, transportation, and more. Local domestic violence organizations such as Our House, Inc in Greenville, Mississippi can assist in providing temporary safe housing, food, job help, and children’s support services. You do not need to be physically injured to qualify. Also, churches and community centers, even if you’re not a member, have funds or programs for families in crisis. Don’t be afraid, to walk in and say, “I need help.”
Your Car is Your Freedom: It might not seem like much, but your car is a huge asset. Sleep safe if needed by parking at 24-hour businesses, police stations, or hospital lots where there’s light and cameras.
Keep a phone charger, snacks, blankets, and kids' essentials.
Think of it as your mobile base until you reach safety. Use it to reach resources. Transportation is often a barrier, but you’ve already crossed it.
A Final Word: You said, “I cannot do it anymore.” That is not weakness; that is the voice of someone who is ready to begin again. You’ve survived something soul crushing. But now, you get to rebuild something sacred: your safety, your peace, and a future for your kids where love doesn’t come with fear. One day, you will be the one telling someone else, “I made it out. And so can you.” You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become.
NEXT WEEK:
My daughter wants me to keep her kids when she checks in at a domestic violence shelter in July, which is the beginning part of her plan to get out of her abusive marriage.
She feels her abusive husband won’t harass me about having my grandchildren because he wouldn’t have anyone else to keep them while he’s at work.
Will I have any rights as a grandparent if he tries to come and get the kids while she’s hiding out at a domestic violence shelter and working on trying to get her life back?
