YOU ASKED:
How long is too long to remain in a relationship before he asks you to marry him? Also, and I’m asking for a friend, how long is too long to be engaged?
WE ANSWERED:
Let’s talk truth; not tradition, not pressure, not what your grandma said (may she rest), and not what your cousin posted on Instagram with that “I said YES” caption after dating for three months (LOL).
First, let’s deal with the “how long to wait before marriage” question. Time alone isn’t the most important factor. Growth, intention, and alignment are. Are you both evolving? Are your goals and values compatible? Has he shown you who he really is, not just in good times, but in storms? If you’ve been dating for years and the conversation about marriage keeps getting dodged like a bill collector... it might be time to ask why you’re still holding on to a “maybe” when you deserve clarity.
Now about that engagement that’s older than your last two cars combined... If you’ve been "fiancé-ed" for 5+ years, and you’ve got a ring but no date, no planning, no real steps toward the altar, you might be in a situationship with jewelry. Engagement is supposed to be a season, not a lifestyle. It’s a bridge to marriage, not a cul-de-sac.
But here’s the deeper question: Why are you still waiting? Is it fear? Comfort? Hope? Pressure? And more importantly, does he know your expectations, or are you silently hoping he’ll just wake up ready?
As a survivor of an abusive relationship, I know firsthand how time can blur your own needs and worth. Sometimes we stay in the waiting room of someone else’s uncertainty because we’re scared to walk into our own healing and clarity.
Here’s your permission slip: You are not "too picky," "too emotional," or "too impatient" for wanting a real commitment. You are too worthy to keep investing years into someone who isn’t making moves with you, especially when they’ve had enough time to decide on forever.
So, whether it’s your “friend” or you (no judgment), the clock isn’t just ticking, it’s asking questions. Don’t just count the years. Make the years count.
With love and clarity,
A Survivor Who Learned the Hard Way
#HealthyLoveHeals #NoMoreWaitingGames #CommitmentIsAnActionNotAStatus
NEXT WEEK: Why does a narcissist stay in a long-term relationship if they don’t love you?
