YOU ASKED:
Just walked away from my home and a 26-year narcissistic marriage, and I am falling apart. How did you feel?
WE ANSWERED: As someone who walked out of a three-year abusive marriage twenty years ago, I can tell you this: when I first left, I felt like my insides had been ripped out. I was free, but I was also hollow. I cried for what I lost, I doubted myself for leaving, and I wondered if I would ever feel whole again. There’s this strange collision of relief and grief—relief that the abuse is over, but grief for the years, the dreams, and the person you thought your partner was.
What you’re feeling after 26 years is normal. You’re not weak for “falling apart.” You’ve been carrying the weight of a narcissist’s control for nearly three decades, of course your body and spirit need time to release all that. When I left, I felt lost at first, but slowly, piece by piece, I found myself again. Freedom was terrifying at the start, but it became the soil where healing finally grew.
To anyone who has just walked away: expect the crash. It’s not failure, it’s the first step toward freedom. You may cry, question yourself, even long for the familiar pain of the past; that’s trauma talking, not truth. The truth is you are courageous. You chose yourself. And though you may feel shattered, those broken pieces can be rearranged into something stronger, wiser, and more beautiful than before.
You asked how I felt, here’s the honest answer: I felt broken. But twenty years later, I also feel whole. Hold on. One day, you will too.
NEXT WEEK:
In a relationship, you share meals, a bed, and deep intimacy. So why do phones suddenly become a “privacy” issue? If everything else is open, why is that one device off-limits?
