YOU ASKED: Is it abusive to label an 18-year-old as “grown,” withdraw parental support, and threaten to force them out of the home? Asking for my Mom
WE ANSWERED:Turning 18 is a legal milestone but it is not a magic switch that instantly transforms a teenager into a fully independent adult. When a parent uses the word “grown” to justify withdrawing emotional, financial, or housing support, especially through threats of eviction, it can cross into emotionally abusive and neglectful behavior.
Healthy parenting recognizes that development is gradual.
Most 18-year-olds are still finishing high school, learning emotional regulation, and figuring out basic life skills. Abruptly removing support or using housing insecurity as leverage creates fear, instability, and shame which are tools of control rather than guidance. Even if a parent feels overwhelmed or believes in “tough love,” threatening to put a young adult out without a realistic plan to transition can be very harmful.
Abuse is not only physical. Emotional abuse includes intimidation, coercion, humiliation, and abandonment. Telling a young person they are “on their own now” as a threat rather than a conversation can undermine trust and attachment, and it often damages the parent-child relationship long-term.
A healthy alternative looks different: clear expectations, shared responsibility, timelines for independence, and continued emotional support. It sounds like, “You’re becoming an adult, and I want to help you prepare. Let’s make a plan.” That approach builds confidence instead of fear.
To parents: raising resilient adults doesn’t require cutting them off at the knees.
To young adults hearing this message: your need for support does not make you weak, it makes you human.
Healthy relationships are rooted in respect, safety, and connection at every age.
If anyone would like to chime in on this discussion or ask any questions about domestic violence, abuse, and/or healthy relationship matters, email us at NoMoreDVorAbuse@ourhousevoices.com We look forward to your feedback.
If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse in a relationship or needs help now, you’re not alone, and there’s a plan we can build today. Seek support, contact Our House, Inc. at 1-833-279-LOVE; NoMoreDVorAbuse.org; National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or text START to 88788.
NEXT WEEK: I’m seriously thinking about divorcing my family and moving as far away as possible after college. My immediate family members are very negative and critical to the point it feels abusive. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
