YOU ASKED: I’m seriously thinking about divorcing my family and moving as far away as possible after college. My immediate family members are very negative and critical to the point it feels abusive. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
WE ANSWERED: As a DV survivor turned advocate and a healthy relationships newspaper columnist, let me say this plainly and gently: No, you are not wrong for feeling this way.
What you’re describing is something many survivors struggle to name because it doesn’t leave bruises, yet it leaves deep emotional wounds. Chronic negativity, constant criticism, and emotional invalidation, especially from family can absolutely feel abusive, because in many cases, it is.
Here’s an important truth I wish someone had told me sooner: Family can harm you without ever intending to, and intent does not erase impact.
When the people who are supposed to be your safest place consistently make you feel small, unseen, or never good enough, your nervous system goes into survival mode. Over time, that kind of environment can erode your confidence, distort your self-worth, and make you question your own reality. That’s emotional harm.
Wanting distance doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. Wanting peace doesn’t mean you’re disloyal. Wanting to protect your mental health doesn’t make you “dramatic.” It makes you self-aware.
Many survivors, myself included, reach a moment where we realize: “If I stay in this environment, I will never fully heal.” That realization can feel terrifying, guilt-ridden, and liberating all at once.
A few grounding points to consider:
• You are allowed to outgrow the people who raised you.
• You are allowed to redefine what “family” means to you.
• You are allowed to choose proximity or distance based on how people treat you, not just who they are.
That said, I encourage you to pause before making permanent decisions while emotions are raw. Distance doesn’t have to be forever to be necessary right now. Sometimes healing requires space, not severance.
Ask yourself: Do I feel emotionally safe here? Do I feel supported or constantly judged? Do I feel like myself when I’m away from them? Those answers matter.
And one more thing, spoken survivor to survivor: If you’re already using words like “divorcing my family,” that tells me your spirit is tired, not rebellious. You are not broken for wanting peace. You are not wrong for craving a healthier environment. And you are certainly not alone.
Healing often begins with distance, boundaries, and the courage to choose yourself especially when no one else ever has. Your life gets to be bigger than the family patterns you were born into.
If anyone would like to chime in on this discussion or ask any questions about domestic violence, abuse, and/or healthy relationship matters, email us @ NoMoreDVorAbuse@ourhousevoices.com We look forward to your feedback.
If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse in a relationship or needs help now, you’re not alone, and there’s a plan we can build today. Seek support, contact Our House, Inc. at 1-833-279-LOVE; NoMoreDVorAbuse.org; National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or text START to 88788.
NEXT WEEK: If you recently ended an intimate relationship with an abusive partner, remember holidays, birthdays and special occasion dates can be triggering for the abuser. Don’t communicate, respond and/or give false hope. Next week, we will discuss ways to not live in fear but be smart and stay alert.
