YOU ASKED: Let’s have a conversation about the month of February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) Yes, I said TEEN as in TEENAGERS! Shocking? Can you recall at least one violent couple when you were in high school? Most of us can…and it still happens…let’s talk about it.
WE ANSWERED:
As a domestic violence survivor turned advocate, I need to say this plainly: February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month… and yes, we are talking about teenagers. When people hear “domestic violence,” they often picture married adults, shared mortgages, and custody battles. But abuse does not wait for adulthood. It starts early, sometimes in school hallways between algebra and English class.
Let me ask you something uncomfortable: Can you recall at least one couple in high school where things felt… off? The boyfriend who was always checking her phone. The girlfriend who isolated him from his friends. The couple that fought loudly, then made up, then fought again.
The bruises explained away as “clumsy.” The tears in the bathroom. The controlling texts.
The jealousy framed as “love.” Most of us can think of someone. And it still happens.
What Teen Dating Violence Really Looks Like
Teen dating violence isn’t just physical. In fact, it often starts with coercive control, or patterns of behavior meant to dominate, isolate, or intimidate. It can include Excessive jealousy disguised as “protectiveness;” Monitoring social media passwords and location; Pressuring for sexual activity; Threatening self-harm if a partner leaves; Public humiliation or name-calling; and hitting, pushing, choking, or restraining.
According to data from organizations like Love Is Respect and Break the Cycle, a significant number of teens experience some form of dating abuse before graduation. And many don’t recognize it as abuse. Why? Because no one taught them the difference between intensity and intimacy.
The Dangerous Myths We Learned Young
As a survivor, I can tell you, the seeds of adult abuse are often planted in adolescence. We were taught: “He’s mean because he likes you;” “That’s just teenage drama;” “They’re passionate;” “She’s crazy in love;” or “That’s young love.” No! It’s not passion. It’s not cute. It’s not drama. It’s control; and control escalates.
Why This Matters So Deeply
Teen relationships shape adult attachment patterns. When control, jealousy, and volatility are normalized at 15, they become expected at 25. When we ignore teen dating violence, we are quietly preparing young people for toxic marriages, trauma bonds, emotional dependency, and generational cycles of abuse.
As a Healthy Relationships instructor, I teach this clearly: Love does not require fear. Love does not require shrinking. Love does not require proving your loyalty by suffering.
What Healthy Actually Looks Like
A healthy teen relationship includes mutual respect, emotional safety, freedom to maintain friendships, clear boundaries, accountability, calm conflict resolution, no pressure for sex, and no fear of retaliation for saying “no.” Healthy love feels steady, not chaotic.
Let’s Ask the Real Questions
Parents:
Are you talking to your teens about red flags, not just abstinence?
Educators:
Are we teaching relational intelligence alongside academics?
Faith leaders:
Are we addressing control and abuse from the pulpit or only preaching marriage?
Students:
Do you feel safe with the person you’re dating?
If the answer includes fear, anxiety, walking on eggshells, or constant apologizing, that’s not love.
A Word to the Teen Who Might Be Reading This
If someone controls who you talk to; threatens you; calls you degrading names; pressures you sexually; and/or makes you afraid to break up; That is not your fault. You are not dramatic. You are not “too sensitive.” You are not responsible for fixing them.
There is help. You can contact trusted adults, school counselors, or resources like National Domestic Violence Hotline or text services through Love Is Respect.
``Let’s Change the Narrative
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is not about panic. It’s about prevention and teaching emotional regulation, boundary setting, consent, self-worth, healthy conflict and the difference between attachment and addiction.
The earlier we interrupt the pattern, the fewer adults we have to rescue later. Protecting teenagers today prevents funerals, shelters, restraining orders, and trauma therapy tomorrow. And that is a conversation worth having.
If anyone would like to chime in on this discussion or ask any questions about domestic violence, abuse, and/or healthy relationship matters, email us @ NoMoreDVorAbuse@ourhousevoices.com We look forward to your feedback.
If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse in a relationship or needs help now, you’re not alone, and there’s a plan we can build today. Seek support, contact Our House, Inc. at 1-833-279-LOVE; NoMoreDVorAbuse.org; National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or text START to 88788.
Next week:
My boyfriend says respect is more important than love in a relationship. Do you think respect is more important than love in a healthy relationship?
