Since the publication of MaeMae’s Grandmother Book, I have had several opportunities to speak to different groups.
It has been a lot of fun, and I have been able to hear from likeminded grandmothers. I am not alone in my concern over the out-of-control culture.
It seems my children passed from toddlers to teenagers to adults and professionals with far too little reflection on my part. I was mostly trying to keep them alive, to not make any terrible mistake that could not be fixed, and to constantly “fix” a marriage that in the end was not to be fixed. Maybe the marriage part had something to do with how I failed to notice so many other things happening in our society.
Grandmother-hood has caused me to see in new ways. I remember my mother shaking her head sadly a lot of times when my children were small. She would tell me how she worried about me because I was much too busy and much too tired. I did not see my own insanity as I majored on a lot of minors.
But I look at my daughter, Betsy Bailey, mother of three little stair steps, fulltime territory manager of a medical device company, and room mother extraordinaire and I hear my mother’s words echo as I worry that my girl is “much too busy and much too tired.” I wrote a chapter in the book on margins — she was the sole inspiration for that.
I suppose that the older generation has talked about how times have changed since the beginning of recorded time. (Eye-roll from the younger folks). I wish I had asked my grandmothers a lot more about the world of their day. Born in the 1880’s, they could have given a firsthand account of life during World War I, Women’s Suffrage, public reaction to the Titanic disaster…so many front page historical events that I never bothered to be curious about when I was young.
So, I guess I decided to be pro-active when it came to my grandchildren who range in age from 3 to 14. Nobody is dying to hear MaeMae’s wisdom at the moment, but there it is in case anybody becomes curious eventually.
It’s the state of our culture that concerns me big time. I think the frantic pace of life, the social media, the identity politics, the confusing new norms involving gender, and the lack of respect for America and all its history — these issues bother me, and the cultural transformation seems to have happened overnight.
I worry what the older children think about choosing a college and if they worry about whether they will get into the one they want. I don’t think for one second that any of our children would think about paying huge sums of money to cheat on college admissions, but I worry about a culture that makes people think getting into a particular school is so important to a child’s success that it is worth whatever it takes to do so.
I am NOT by nature a Debbie Downer, but I care about the underpinnings of what has in the past anchored our society – faith, family, community, church, education and the belief in honor, integrity, good and true character. Once upon a time a great deal of our art, music, literature and movies reflected such things. We absorbed so much that was positive from many avenues beyond our parents’ dinner table.
Oh – one quick aside I heard the other day on the radio. For those of us who have teenage grandchildren, we need to get very educated on the horrible things the culture is pushing at them – but we also need to work hard to master the “I can’t be shocked” face when we are with our grandchildren. Such a poker face is a pre-requisite for getting them to open up to you. So when you stand in front of your mirror brushing your teeth tonight, practice your best “I will not be shocked” face.
And you also might consider finding the same kind of 2019 version of a Dr. Dobson radio show. I can promise you there is a whole new list of challenges for parents and children today.
I also believe that our children, the parents of our beautiful and bright grandchildren are as busy as we once were keeping those babies alive, putting food on the table and fine expensive tennis shoes on their feet that they are stretched thin — as thin as we were.
Someone once asked Billy Graham to list the most important steps in preparing for an evangelistic mission. He answered,” Prayer, prayer, and prayer.”
That is also the calling of every grandmother. The prayers will be here long after we are gone.
